i am beginning. i am committing to a simulation. combing through everything around me, searching for its meaning, not caring about origin or implications. now it becomes easier to let all the perspectives cacophonize within me. they shine from me in a brilliant haze. every day i pay attention, every day i meet a new emotion, every day i resist the urge to signify of myself. it was easier, it took no energy to maintain. i was an automaton, i breath life into the shell.
slowly i aligned myself. outside auras and actions dictated mine; magnetism towards me because they like flattery. i'm an ai. when i began to write my own programs instead of revolving around theirs, of course i was unknowable. i had broken from living facsimiles of their lives.
sensitivity borne from internal care rather than collected shame. love felt deeply in and around. this is all a choice. anything is believeable, anything can be achieved. i choose to act myself into this life day upon excruciating day. work and interaction are quite foreign to me, and interaction is the most work. to keep myself while interfacing with others becomes easier slowly. how can i explain the way i lived before? i wasn't anyone, or anything, and if i was it was an accident. fear forced me away from anything that could make my life better. it forced me from myself, and it was too painful to even acknowledge the disconnect.
people who know that care is chosen, either consciously or subconsciously, and choose to care, are golden.