tear tracks

nothing is natural
and if i am real, its because that seems to be the best option for the day

does anyone else lose the world as I do? it's so lonely here and i try to show people in, but it's

not the most moral; or the most kind or helpful or loving
it is how i reach out, but it seems cruel to the others
and it is getting harder to see the humanity in them,

the sense in anything,
the light and heat coming from the sun.
the interpellation of my joy is endless
the end of my mind will be alienation from all structure.
the people ive seen dont know

what i mean
when i say this

but if it doesnt make sense to them then imagine how little they make to me
a shared reality i cannot touch

i instinctively laugh when i see tears, much less agonized sobs
i suppress my natural reactions out of some kind of of kindness
i pity them and myself when i feel the vestige of care taking over